Cucumber sandwiches
The Importance of Being Earnest
You play:
ALGERNON
How are you, my dear Ernest? What brings you up to town?
JACK
Oh, pleasure, pleasure! What else should bring one anywhere? Eating as usual, I see, Algy!
ALGERNON
I believe it is customary in good society to take some slight refreshment at five o’clock. Where have you been since last Thursday?
JACK
In the country.
ALGERNON
What on earth do you do there?
JACK
When one is in town one amuses oneself. When one is in the country one amuses other people. It is excessively boring.
ALGERNON
And who are the people you amuse?
JACK
Oh, neighbours, neighbours.
ALGERNON
Got nice neighbours in your part of Shropshire?
JACK
Perfectly horrid! Never speak to one of them.
ALGERNON
How immensely you must amuse them! By the way, Shropshire is your county, is it not?
JACK
Eh? Shropshire? Yes, of course. Hallo! Why all these cups? Why cucumber sandwiches? Why such reckless extravagance in one so young? Who is coming to tea?
ALGERNON
Oh! merely Aunt Augusta and Gwendolen.
JACK
How perfectly delightful!
ALGERNON
Yes, that is all very well; but I am afraid Aunt Augusta won’t quite approve of your being here.
JACK
May I ask why?
ALGERNON
My dear fellow, the way you flirt with Gwendolen is perfectly disgraceful. It is almost as bad as the way Gwendolen flirts with you.
JACK
I am in love with Gwendolen. I have come up to town expressly to propose to her.
ALGERNON
I thought you had come up for pleasure?… I call that business.
JACK
How utterly unromantic you are!
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